[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Saturday, August 19th, 2006|
|not going anywhere
Last night= Caris's birthday. i love that female soo much. i made her a fabulous postal service allen tee. today...voice, carwash, sara+ ariel time, josh's birthday???? yesterday he texted me and asked me to come, strange i know and i cant go by myself his friends dont like me since we broke up, maybe caryn will go. its better than staying home while "my friends" leave me out again. then i have to help Caleb make campaign posters sometime. I am excited about auditions on Tuesday, mr. greer is putting a little pressure on me but i think i can handle it. , hopefully. i emailed clark last night to update him and let him know the time is not long now until we can talk and be friends. i finally thought i got rid of immature girls causing drama but it is endless. i even called and fixed things but she still talks about me everywhere she goes. oh by the way i recorded the convo on my phone so she cant say i said something that i didnt- im so smart!! oh well
|Tuesday, July 11th, 2006|
i didnt get in little shop, this sucks. i need drugs right now. i am having a terrible week. ive never cried so much in such a small time interval.
|Monday, July 10th, 2006|
|ask your girlfriend
well my life is slowly and surely coming to an end. my audition yesterday sucked. i have no love interest (at least not one that i am ready to reveal). i get to spend who knows how long (hopefully it will end soon) on the back burner now bc of some stupid girl so that's refreshing. i had to go to the dentist this morning and all i could think about was how mad i am about everything and how every relationship in my life is falling apart slowly but surely right down to my very best friends. i havent started my summer reading. i am determined to lose 20 lbs. before school starts by any means necessary (and yes, i mean that). then i will be happy and maybe somebody by some miracle will be attracted to me and maybe then my girl friends will like me because ill be cute and little. thats the plan. i hope it works. i have to work tonight, that will suck bc i will have nothing to do but sit around and think about my problems. then when i get off work i will have nothing to do bc my best friend will more than likely be too busy making out with his nasty girlfriend to spend time with me. i hate this. i know how this is going to be. i am not an idiot. i will no longer be able to call and hang out with him on a whim like i usually do bc he is busy, and i can't be myself anymore bc someone might get mad/jealous/who knows and everyone will be hanging out and she will be there so i wont go, therefore i will spend a lot of time home alone, singing and eating (which is not good for my weightloss plan) while they frollick and go out with their best friend mothers and who knows what else. gag me. i am on the edge. Current Mood: pissed off
|Tuesday, June 20th, 2006|
|best kept secret
don't tell cassie. don't invite cassie.
these are the overused but unwelcome words that fill the room when i am absent. yes, i am aware of this. my best kept secret: although i am goofy and strange, i am also a human who has feelings just like you though you spend hours getting ready and i slip a "Cars" shirt over my head. -- though you are close minded and hypocritical and i embrace the many differences and faults of human beings-- though i am unafraid to let the world see me makeupless or real or even naked (who knows??). I'm not a saint, so it suprises me that some of my so-called friends attempt to hide faults from me that they think i may judge them for. i don't judge you, or anyone. i've been there, and if i haven't, trust me-- i've seen much worse than you can even imagine. it angers me because i'm cassie. i'm not close-minded, i don't seriously judge people based on their spiritual beliefs, political beliefs, or even sexual preferences. but that is not the main purpose for my writing. i have been led astray, i am afraid. i have been tricked into thinking i have friends or rather a group of friends. i have friends, here and there i suppose, about 3 actually. i should have been smarter than this. i never get called, no one extends any invitation to me-- so i should have figured out long ago that these people are not my "friends". but i tag along and why??? i am not a follower. i am the farthest thing from it actually. i'm bossy. i'm controling. i like to plan. i love to be in charge. so why do i rely on a bunch of fake people?? i shouldnt. and i wont. if you want me to stay out of your hair though, just tell me. i'm not going to cry. i'm a lot stronger than the majority of people think i am and way stronger than you are. i am not being a self pitying girl right now as much as i am wishing for some form of real human contact. no one is real anymore. no one speaks their mind so i will make up for them and speak mine double. most of all, i am not stupid. i am not in your stupid AP english class, but i am more intelligent than you. who knows what you think. maybe i'm too loud. maybe i just get more attention than you. maybe you just hate me. i really don't know. but i wish one of you were real enough to let me know where i stand. one of you could occasionally include me and if that's not possible, please let me know so i don't waste my time.
hope the yearbook pictures look good!!
happy birthday to me.
|Sunday, May 21st, 2006|
|i am a wreck
this weekend has been too much. not good. not bad. just somewhere in between and i don't know what to think. tonight was the last time i will ever see him or talk to him. not my decision, but his. i went to his house for a little bit, bad idea. but it is official. no more. am i happy because now i can be normal and fun like i should be and move on? or am i sad because the boy who has been with me for 17 months (exactly). so i guess this chapter of my life is over. i can't stop crying. and i can't really decide if it's because i love him or that i just don't want to be alone. sure i love him, sometimes he's terrible but other times hes so sweet like when he brought me food at work yesterday. i broke his heart though. i feel pretty bad about it. i don't know how to move on though. no one else will love me like he does. no one else is attracted to me. no one else will surprise me with my favorite food at work. no one else would let me call them every single night without them getting sick of me. i just want someone to love me. i wish i didnt have a cell phone. i just want to call him and everything to be ok but i can't do that anymore. i'm changing. i'm going to be different now. i'll have more time for my friends, for me, theatre, singing, maybe even cleaning my room/car. i just want someone's shoulder to bury my face in and cry, someone who understands. i hate emotions.
|Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006|
the end is near. i will soon be a senior. i feel like i've waited forever. next year is going to be so much fun! but i will miss this year and all my friends graduating and having new show choir girls won't be the same....
But anyways i am having an anxiety attack today because i find out today or tomorrow(hopefully today or ill jump) if i made SHR or not. i mean sure i had a fabulous audition AND callback but I'm still so worried and i don't know why. i never get this worried!!! weird. today i have to go to work and corporate will be there- no fun!!!! well my oh my i'm bored. but i am so close to reaching my goal of being on Dr. Bob's top 10 list, i've been working so hard!!! i am currently plotting to reveal some kind of super secret disguised in some form of a gesture out of curiosity and intrigue....don't ask, all will be revealed...maybe....next year?...who knows.....
|Saturday, April 15th, 2006|
ok im too busy for words!! elections this week, godspell this week too. Missing school AGAIN this week for show choir- kills me!! next weekend show choir festival, weekend after= prom and marty casey, weekend after= and of year show choir show, spring choir concert that week, thespian inductions, shelly's wedding shower, can't do it all!!!!!!!! so im just sitting around, about to get in the shower and go to voice then work. my tire is messed up so i have to take my car in today which sucks. tonite i suppose me and bentley will make campaign stuff. nervous. must win. gotta go!
|Monday, April 3rd, 2006|
sunday. got up went to target and old navy and subway with little bentley. later that day went back to target, started to feel dizzy and delirious. went home and laid down. started throwing up viciously. continued for hours. monday morning: still throwing up water that I had recentely drinken. couldn't go to school. sucks bc now i have tons of tons of makeup work. had to miss godspell- feel bad. but i didnt want to be responsible for getting everyone sick before the trip!! slept from about 2- 10 today. now i am wide awake!
|Saturday, April 1st, 2006|
|I choose me bristles with pride yes siree
company was really really confusing. but the good thing is that me and quinten sang everyone of our show choir songs on the way home substitutuing just about every word with the word "bristles" which waS a blast!!! and we went to wendy's where there was a huge nasty ceiling leak. i just realized that i lost my work schedule so i dont know if i work tomorrow or not and its too late to call and ask. thats not good. can't wait for school to be out. cant wait to go to california and on vacation with carynie. no motivation to do school. junioritis. need to go to sleep. need to think of the perfect birthday present for caryn- help!!! well ill think of something i suppose. too many random thoughts. really need sleep. lovely weekend i'd say. thanks bye.
|should have stayed home
bad day. attempted to shop for swim suits. depression. i've come to the conclusion that i just won't swim because i'm not meant to be scantily clad due to my size and glowing skin. well now im going to nap and try to get ahead on my magazine project and then carynie and qb and me are off to the theatre to usher for company. I've just decided today that i want to have a party. soon. just because i saw these really cute invitations.
might attempt to go sell Godspell ads today or tomorrow if i decide to be productive. who knows.
excited about new york.
|Friday, March 31st, 2006|
|its MY life
journal's are for writing, venting, complaining, praising. and that is what i will use mine for. no one is required to read it. correct? yes. well tonite was thrilling. tomorrow i have voice, lunch with carynie, carynie's softball game, company with quinten- fun line up. Anyway, Chip is interesting, a little weird but quirky and entertaining mostly. I wonder what the boys think of him. They're so inexpressive. But its got to be hard to meet the guy your mom is dating when to the best of their knowledge my mom is still married. At least she is happy as opposed to the last 15 years of her life. she deserves it. sheesh i love my mom. off to do homework for now!!!
why am i completely discluded from a group of people just beacuse one of them doesnt like me?
why does my so called best friend put me on the back burner?
thank God I have zach right now because if i didn't i would have no one
he never ditches me and he always stands up for me
thank God I have more class than that:
nothing more. a lot less.
you'll get yours, soon enough.
i could wait forever.
Oh i didnt forget you Carynie. She is marvelous. always there. always stands up for me. fabulous. love you.
IT DOESNT MATTER THOUGH! because I, Cassie Thompson, am a wonderful creation. and there's nothing cocky about that. it's just true. God made me beautiful and talented and smart and i am ever grateful to him. there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
*Gotta go get ready to go out with my besty friend tonite!!!
|Sunday, March 26th, 2006|
have to work today. my ray diagram booklet. watch grey's anatomy. in the shower soon. get gas. really want a chicken biscuit but alas cfa is closed!!!! that is all. oh and my memphis lost, my heart is forever broken.
|Saturday, March 25th, 2006|
jenna's party was soo fun!! we all got sooo dressed up and took great pics and looked adorable of course!! heather lost her class ring in Jenna's yard and has yet to find in! but anyway we went to bonefish and ate soooo much fabulous food!!! i had a great time besides the fact that i was intentionally uninvited to sara's which was just very tacky but once again i am just being nice and letting someone else look like the bad guy (its working incredibly well). think i'm definetly switching rooms now . anyway today i have voice and then i must work all day long!!! my mom is whoring it up out of town with chip which is so gross and i don't approve. whatever im in a bad mood so bye.
|Thursday, March 23rd, 2006|
|need a break
memphis won- happy cassie. on the fence about new york trip rooming situation- want to avoid irrational people. some boys are way too clingy!!! everything in godspell is getting more and more screwed up and its stupid. want to do a summer show but cant find one that ends before i leave town. tomorrow is jenna's b-day party. gotta make an allen tee. the woman who promised me that francesca's job just randomly changed her mind after she told me i was hired already and all i needed was to bring in my social security card- stupid hoe. today's my mom's bday. chip is fabulous. they are happy. i am happy. tired. dont even know why im still up. i have to work a lot this weekend- it sucks. need to see zachary. we never talk anymore. i miss it.
|Sunday, March 19th, 2006|
|school's out forever
great weekend before school starts back, basically at least. last night i went to see v for vendetta with my besty little friends carynie, bentley, and quintie. it was a fabulous movie- i highly recommend it!! then me and caryn just chilled and went to kinko's and walgreens and some large black man gave us a rap cd that he produced which is actually surprisingly very good!! stayed the night with zachary. cleaned yucky (his fishy). then he watched me eat pizza rolls. twas fun. today me and cali and mom went to chip's place and watched the game. go memphis!!!! then we walked around downtown and got stARbucks and stuff like that. came home tired and watched mi favorite shows!!! about to take a shower because i'm dirty and then i will probably go to sleepy!
hopefully my wishes will come true from the penny fountain today and
1. i will not have to go to school tomorrow
2. i will be a ballerina
3. my mom will get a llama
|Tuesday, March 7th, 2006|
|stupid lie: my best friend is intimidated by me
well today was a really great day. i barely did anything in any of my classes so i made this really great expressive work of art- (does it make me cocky that i think it was great???-oh well)!!!! after school i came home and was chillin then me and my boys qb and bentley went to danvers and out to the mall for a bit which was fun and im gunna get some sleep tonight because i have no Godspell hooray except for mrs. cotten's little girl is in the emergency room i hope she is doing okay!!! hopefully tomorrow is just as great as today. maybe it will yield yet another masterpiece.
|Saturday, March 4th, 2006|
3 days left of school until sb
thursday= choir goes to lambuth
friday= no school
sunday= me and little bentley's fabulous college trippy
oh and today I got new bows!!!
|Saturday, February 25th, 2006|
hmm yesterday.... well i went to target after school in hopes of finding clothing that actually fit me but alas everything is too small so my shopping trip was ruined!!! went to a.cafe with tess,carra,heather,jen- fun. saw cara mchugh whom i absolutely adore (at a.cafe). want to go see her play but its teh same weekend as g'spell. shes in 3 plays right now at college (luckY!). Quiero ser una estrella!!!! anyway i digress... went to battle of the bands. mr. A wore my allen shirt!!! Matt Hunter is the funniest kid I've ever met. Oh 7 won- thanks to me of course for my one little vote! im tired. dont want to go to voice. have nothing to do today. ill call caryn i suppose. have to work tomorrow basically all day. in a bad mood. ate a ton yesterday- not in compliance with cassie's diet- must repent! Current Mood: indescribable