cassiemt (cassiemt) wrote,

best kept secret

don't tell cassie. don't invite cassie.

these are the overused but unwelcome words that fill the room when i am absent. yes, i am aware of this. my best kept secret: although i am goofy and strange, i am also a human who has feelings just like you though you spend hours getting ready and i slip a "Cars" shirt over my head. -- though you are close minded and hypocritical and i embrace the many differences and faults of human beings-- though i am unafraid to let the world see me makeupless or real or even naked (who knows??). I'm not a saint, so it suprises me that some of my so-called friends attempt to hide faults from me that they think i may judge them for. i don't judge you, or anyone. i've been there, and if i haven't, trust me-- i've seen much worse than you can even imagine. it angers me because i'm cassie. i'm not close-minded, i don't seriously judge people based on their spiritual beliefs, political beliefs, or even sexual preferences. but that is not the main purpose for my writing. i have been led astray, i am afraid. i have been tricked into thinking i have friends or rather a group of friends. i have friends, here and there i suppose, about 3 actually. i should have been smarter than this. i never get called, no one extends any invitation to me-- so i should have figured out long ago that these people are not my "friends". but i tag along and why??? i am not a follower. i am the farthest thing from it actually. i'm bossy. i'm controling. i like to plan. i love to be in charge. so why do i rely on a bunch of fake people?? i shouldnt. and i wont. if you want me to stay out of your hair though, just tell me. i'm not going to cry. i'm a lot stronger than the majority of people think i am and way stronger than you are. i am not being a self pitying girl right now as much as i am wishing for some form of real human contact. no one is real anymore. no one speaks their mind so i will make up for them and speak mine double. most of all, i am not stupid. i am not in your stupid AP english class, but i am more intelligent than you. who knows what you think. maybe i'm too loud. maybe i just get more attention than you. maybe you just hate me. i really don't know. but i wish one of you were real enough to let me know where i stand. one of you could occasionally include me and if that's not possible, please let me know so i don't waste my time.

hope the yearbook pictures look good!!
happy birthday to me.
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